Following a goddamn schedule
This COVID-19 pandemic has led me into doing something I never thought I’d do, and which I’ve managed to avoid for most of my adult life: build, and (this part is critical) follow a schedule. And not just any schedule, but an annoyingly healthy schedule. I know, reading this also makes me want to reach for a cocktail in irritation.
First of all, a bit of context: I’ve been self-employed for the better part of 10 years, and my schedule could easily be classified as erratic. A different type of work or activity every day of the week—combined with a tendency to say “yes” to too many projects, get into “flow” zone, and have a general distaste of keeping track of time—has led to eating, sleeping, exercising and working on a wildly varying and unbalanced schedule. I knew it wasn’t the healthiest or necessarily the most productive, but I didn’t feel like I could slow down long enough to explore how it might be changed. Until now, of course. The gears of my life have come to a grinding halt, as I’m sure they have for many of you reading this. I’ve spent a month in quarantine being lazy, am finally tired of my slothful ways, and have found some internal curiosity for looking at and changing some of my habits.
So what do I mean by an “annoyingly healthy” schedule? It’s worth noting that I’m no Gwyneth and I know my own limits (is a life without cocktails, gnocchi and chocolate a life even worth living?? Don’t answer this Gwyneth, it’s a rhetorical question). The kind of “healthy” I’m talking about here is the kind of healthy you’ve been telling yourself for years that you would really like to do, but don’t. For me, this looks like waking up at around the same time every day, physically engaging my body at the start and end of each day, sticking to my intermittent fasting schedule, ACTUALLY prioritizing performance art with a daily spot on my calendar, and ACTUALLY writing regularly. Both the kicker and the kick-in-the-pants for starting this is, obviously, the COVID-19 pandemic. In a related and similar yin/yang situation, I suddenly have (the kicker!) a plethora of time (based on having very little work plus the necessity of social distancing), balanced by the “kick-in-the-pants”, which is a budget so small that it might be called “budget-free” (who is money? I barely know them).
So here we are, somehow (finally) on the precipice of my AHGOS (Annoyingly Healthy and Goal-Oriented Schedule) journey, for the next 4 months of pandemic isolation. Perhaps there are a few of you out there reading this who are curious to follow along on my journey, and god, I hope you do (if a word is written in the woods and no one reads it, is it still a word?). If I haven’t clinched this sales pitch with my current chipper can-do attitude, there’s always the (very good) chance that you will see me flail and fail (perhaps even splendidly so!) over the coming weeks or months. Perhaps I will learn something about me! Perhaps you will! So, really, there’s a little something for everyone.
I thought the most fruitful way to begin this 4-month journey would be to document exactly when and what I’m planning on doing, how I will be documenting/sharing my weekly updates, and finally why I find many of these things tedious (but also currently worth trying).
Experimental Timeframe
Loosely my trial period is now “until the end of COVID-19 isolation” which for practical sanity reasons I am defining as end of August, although it’s worth noting that one of my main realizations as an adult is that sanity and reality rarely cross paths. I started 3 days ago, so my AHGOS journey is officially April 21-Sept 1, 2020. That’s precisely 19 weeks, approximately 4 months, or 10 years in COVID-time.
What exactly I’ll be doing
My goal is to get into a daily routine that involves doing the following 6 days a week:
Sleep: a 9-hour* consistent sleep schedule (my current goal is bed by 2:30-3am, up at 11:30am-12pm?)
“Morning” (which I loosely define as the first hours after I wake up, much to my boyfriend’s protestations about this): coffee (obv) then yoga first-thing before anything else (gross), immediately into pilates (ugh, who am I).
“Daytime”: 3-4 hours of whatever work/project I have on my plate (usually involves sitting at my computer).
“Early Evening”: a run (or whatever at-home cardio workout or strength-training class I can find for free on Youtube) + 1 hour of performance art training (this can look like dance technique, rehearsal, or any kind of performance activity).
“Late Evening” (which most other people would call the “wee hours of the morning”): my 2-3 hour writing, planning & creative work window.
Food: nothing specific but following an intermittent fasting regime (16 hour fast/8 hour eating window).
I realize this schedule might not look that impressive or revolutionary, but let me reiterate again that the key factors that a) I actually plan on following it, and b) I have 10+ years of very un-schedule like habits ingrained which I’ve always been rather proud of.
*yes, 9 hours is a reasonable amount of sleep, and waking up at noon is FINE if you’re going to bed at 3am, please refer to my blog post on the importance of sleep and respect for night owls.
How I will be Documenting & Sharing
I’ve made a spreadsheet that would make any list lover proud. On it I’m tracking the following:
the time I wake up & go to bed
whether I completed my daily yoga & pilates (around 30 minutes each)
whether I did some sort of cardio or strength training (around 30 minutes)
whether I did some sort of dance rehearsal/technique training/performance (around 1 hour)
what I ate (not exact weight in grams or anything that tedious, just the basics)
my intermittent fasting window (goal: 16 hours)
how I felt (overall)
whether I thought the day was a success overall (Yes/No)
Sunday: reset day of nothing (contemplating also making this a no-social media/phone-free day, but currently too addicted to move this past thought and into reality).
Sharing: I plan to do an end-of-day check-in on Instagram Mon-Sat (@officeofsarah) and once per week (on Fridays) I’ll give some sort of short summary right here on this blog.
Why I find so many of these things tedious
Whether it be inherent or learned, I’ve never liked being told what to do. In fact, someone else telling me what I SHOULD be doing is a great way for me to consciously try and NEVER do that thing. If a sentence begins with “You should…” and ends in “…because it’s good for you”, I immediately recoil and eye-roll at the supreme, grotesque annoyance of it all. There’s a presumption involved in someone else telling you what to do (as if they understood your life, genetics and life-path better than you!) that’s just so infuriating. Criminally annoying, particularly if they are Über calm, wearing lycra, and telling you that their yoga “practice” has opened up their heart like a beautiful delicate lotus.
I’ve always liked to say that the only revelation I ever had during a yoga class was that I goddamn hated it. The Namastes and simpering smiles. Someone’s sweaty butt downward-dogging a foot in front of my face. A hot yoga teacher passive-aggressively smiling and telling the class that “we try and take water breaks at the end of the practice” as I reached desperately for that nourishing substance in the 40 degree Celsius sweat-infused room. The SOUND OF OTHER PEOPLE LOUDLY BREATHING. I ask you honestly: what is there not to hate??
What I’m trying to say is that people constantly telling me how I should absolutely be doing yoga, pilates, and meditation (combined with their naturally grating qualities) has led to me avoiding them at all cost.
To conclude this section, I think my issue with schedules and consistency can be summed up by three simple facts: one, that I find the idea of doing the same thing day-in and day-out incredibly tedious; two, that the world has subtly and not-so-subtly suggested that schedules start in the morning (which I do not do); and three, that I suspect I lack discipline.
So why suffer these tedious things now?
Several reasons, which I will now list below, in order of importance:
Vanity. OBV I want to feel good. Sure. But let’s be honest here, shall we? Because part of what I find the most annoying about many lycra-clad yoga/pilates practicers is their refusal to admit that they are doing it in part for tight abs and to show off their newfound back flexibility at parties/orgies/networking events (obviously, this would be pre-COVID. Now party tricks are limited to a Spotlighted screen during afternoon Zoom social hours).
Science is showing that meditation has some significant positive impacts on mental health. As tedious as I find yoga, I find it less tedious than meditation, and I suspect that it might check the meditative practice box so – two birds with one stone!
Pilates because I can’t stomach the idea of doing yoga for more than 30-minutes in one go, and I really want 1 hour of physical movement in the morning that I can fit in the space between my bed and the window.
I value my sleep more than most earthly pleasures, and my erratic eating schedule (and subsequent indigestion) is significantly impacting its loveliness.
A true stubborn spirit, wondering if I can actually keep up any practice on a daily basis.
Aaaaand fuck, it’s already 4:18am, HOW?! Clearly off to a great start.
