Play your own game

Motivational posters and people are always saying things like Forge your own path! Take the road less travelled! You’re only competing against yourself! And my personal favourite (because it sounds cool, smart and mysterious) Play your own game!!!

The problem is when you begin doing so and everyone freaks out about how you’re not playing the game right. Some of the explicit and implicit answers I’ve heard back through my life (maybe some of them sound familiar to you too):

• “I mean, yeah – forge your own path but not that path. Duh”

• “WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THAT ROAD? It’s not safe!!”

• “Sure, kid, you’re only competing against yourself and every other person in the competition.” (Be assured: someone will lose)

Honestly, it’s all “forge your own path” until you’re out on a wilderness trail/in class/at your new job — then the advice is all about STAYING ON THE PATH and FOLLOWING THE RULES.

Status quo

Even if you feel a strong resistance to participating in the status quo, the societal encouragement and rewards can be tempting. And there’s definitely social expectations for what you should want. Depending on where you live and what your social circles look like, this might include such things as fame, awards, CEO next to your name, degree/Master’s degree/PhD, owning a big house, successful marriage, 2.5 children. Going down one of these socially-accepted paths often results in encouragement and affirmations on all sides (very rarely does one announce “I’m getting married!” and receive anything but cheers and congratulations).

However, when you claim you don’t want something that society says you should, confusion or straight-out disbelief tend to be the most common reactions. A lot of yeah, but if you could have it you would, and then you’re like no actually, thanks and they’re like mmm, nice try, everyone wants this thing and then (if you’re anything like me) you’re saying fuck, am I choosing all the wrong things??

Self doubt

Once you get past the societal judgment, the next hurdle is dealing with your own self-doubt. We’re all constantly making decisions: it’s unavoidable (insert annoyingly calm voice gravely informing you that “even a non-decision is a decision”). So you might as well make decisions that resonate with what you enjoy, your passions or (forgive me) your “bliss” — right? This has definitely been my thought on the matter, and how I’ve approached it. But every once in a while (lie: very, very often) I’ll stop along my merry path, look around, and think… FUCK. Other people are accomplishing more, going cooler places, making cooler shit. Clearly they’re all doing the right things and playing the right games because the world is rewarding them for it and oh fuck, am I choosing all the wrong paths? Am I playing the wrong game??!

Logistical difficulties

Even if you get past the societal judgment and your own self-doubt, starting your own game can be tricky. After all, no one knows the rules. There’s no map. You’re figuring stuff out as you go. Not that existing games are all rocket science (soccer: put ball through net with foot; career: make money, impress friends and parents) but I still get bamboozled by the whole idea. If we’re all “playing our own game” how do we play together? Who do we get advice from? Where do the games/paths cross? Is there ever a time when it’s best to play someone else’s game? Forging your own path can seem exhausting and irrational, particularly when you’re hacking through weeds and mosquitoes while others are trotting along, easy-breezy, on a nice paved path.

You don’t choose the path, the path chooses you

So why do it? Why go through all the sweat and tears and heartache of trying to forge your own path when there’s another path nearby that (from the outside) looks much easier?

I think, in the end, it’s because deep down you know that you don’t choose the path so much as it chooses you. In my experience, trying to force yourself to love something is like trying to start a fire with wet logs. Maybe you’re good at it, maybe you even become “successful”, but it’s your internal fire that dies along this “easier” course — which really makes it not easier in the long run. Yes, your daemon/genius/muse might be a bit wonky, but what choice do you really have except to follow it down its bizarre, looping trail?

Am I choosing the right things? Honestly, who bloody well knows. But I can genuinely say that I’m trying to follow the light of my daemon-muse as we invent whatever bizarre game I’m loosely calling “life”. It’s not always easy, but it’s the path that chose me, and there’s something comforting in that.

However curious and unexpected your game is, I hope you’re playing it with pleasure.